Mr. God

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In my line of work, you get to satisfy all the splendidly diverse and various kinds of human beings. occasionally, you’ll get to talk with them, take pleasure in their company, after which put handcuffs on them.

looking returned on the span of my profession, I’ve met noted film stars (Clint), legendary authors (Danielle), and waaay too many two-faced lying politicians and different criminals.

usually to fulfill someone in fact tremendous, you have to work as a cop in one of the swankier areas of San Francisco, hire out as a rent-a-gun, or have fate toss you a bone.

I met one of the vital still-humorous contributors of that closing group on the nook of sixteenth St. and South Van Ness one summer time.

I had just finished my precedence # 2 for the day, which was “meeting” the new summer crop of highway walkers who worked the Stroll on Hoff alley, and delivered their biographies into my famous “B” ebook.

precedence #three become going through the examine-in registers of the native flop residences that festered during this enviornment to peer if I had active warrants for a few of their consumers. I mentioned a few common pending arrests on the Indiana inn, whereas I had excessive hopes for an interesting ADW felony warrant for big Johnnie B, who had (mistakenly) checked in in a single day with one of his 5 typical AKA’s on the Argonne.

In that Mr. B turned into sadly not in his room in the intervening time, no doubt as much as no respectable neighborhood, I determined to supply in to priority #1, and have a cup of coffee and a few spring rolls at the chinese language Café whereas I observed the area.

I have near a photographic reminiscence for certain issues, so i will well-nigh nonetheless “see” that area: The chinese language Café had the south west corner with the Argonne entrance next save. The north west area was a huge multi pump Arco fuel Station that had a huge parking lot for Johns and Whores to use after dark.

throughout the road became the large full-service automobile wash that the city had a contract with to scrub the cruisers and vehicles from Mission station. The SF metropolis adult Parole department also had a contract with the automobile wash administration at this area to deliver convicted felons to scrub the automobiles that in some circumstances had taken them to prison only in the near past.

The remaining nook had a really ecocnomic automobile dealership with a large MUNI bus cease at once in entrance of their showroom entrance.

The chinese Café had a very florid fake Hollywood décor, high-quality food, and naturally, a team of workers that become from Nigeria. It also had a nook sales space that gave me a 270-diploma view of issues that a fine beat cop obligatory to watch.

I had paid my tab, and turned into about to push returned into the blazing sunshine once again when my radio blurted out here:

“Man exposing himself to Muni bus riders nook of 1-six and South Van. Incident is in progress. Unit to reply??

i used to be really searching on the crowded bus 20 ft away, and while I couldn’t see anything else yet, I informed Communications that i used to be 10-97. occasionally an excellent response time is a count of good fortune.

The bus pulled away in a puff of diesel smoke before I might even pass the road, leaving me with a transparent view of a solitary businessman donning an uncharacteristic trench coat and a slouch hat sitting on the bus bench.


The back of my intellect changed into asserting that here is too basic a state of affairs to be precise, however the front part of my cop-intellect turned into figuring how I could work this caper.

I told Police radio to keep marked automobiles out of the area, after which used site visitors to work my manner without being considered into the aspect entrance of the Jeep dealership.

I braced the income manager at his desk, telling him i needed to look through his home windows at the slouch hat man sitting at the Muni cease. With all the massive card-board cutouts and different promoting junk, i used to be pretty bound i was invisible as I angled myself to monitor the man on the bench.

a gaggle of feminine chinese sweat-shop-hour-workers bustled over, just in time for the next quantity 23 Downtown express. Slouch hat simply sat there, interestingly looking at the skyline.

As soon because the closing gal bought on the bus, and i watched it perspective its entrance tires to draw back, The Hat man stood up, and pulled the sides of his trench coat broad open like a butterfly loving the sun. From the reflection of his now naked torso in the bus home windows, and from the open-mouthed faces of the witnessing seamstresses, i used to be damn sure that this become one pretty in poor health insect.


i was past the showroom door and standing on the edge of the bus bench earlier than my al fresco crook even had time to refasten his coat belt.

shock being its own back-up cop, I had him cuffed up straight. backyard of checking the coat pockets, my arrest search turned into very short, which turned into good as a result of I didn’t want to contact him in any respect except i was donning a pair of my problem (forgotten) surgical gloves.

In checking the “crime scene” I found that the again of my mind became proper: He had a pair of cut-off dress pant legs taped above his knees, and a dress shirt that became in a similar way trimmed off from about mid-chest downwards.


The fun part changed into now not over, however. After I asked a Southern District squad car to locate the bus and about 10 or 12 victims for me (“Don’t be concerned, I’ll do the file!”). I requested my quarry what his identify turned into.

“My driver’s license in my left pocket, and My Son, you’ll be in massive situation if you don’t release me soon.”

I didn’t get the “My Son” angle until I read his California Drivers License.

It officially recognized my flasher right here as “Ignatius Mandamus GOD”

the usage of the shortened edition, i used to be definite he would signal the reserving card later as

“I. M. GOD”

sure, the State of California in its infinite branch of Motor motors knowledge, had taken some phonied up no-doubt home made forms, and given Mr. God here its reputable blessing.

i was just semi-thankful that he had a local address, so that complication wouldn’t interfere in what turned into already searching like a monumentally complicated 10 witness arrest record.

once we received to the station, and that i hilariously took my edition of “before and After “facts photos (Coat Closed-Coat Open). The Station Keeper booking Officer requested me what name to placed on the blue card. I tossed him the CDL, and talked about if anyone asked me what I had performed, i was going to assert:

“I arrested God these days!”


– Dave Oberhoffer, retired, San Francisco Police branch

Dave Oberhoffer

Dave Oberhoffer started a law-enforcement profession in 1979, having survived the Vietnam war, and possessing an Irish Pub. His San Francisco Police department assignments had been: strolling a foot-beat, a large number of sector automobile assignments, and Vice and Narcotics work. As an Inspector, he become then assigned to the particular Investigations Division for five years. This was followed with the aid of work as a Squad Sergeant running a group within the housing initiatives on Potrero Hill. As a Lieutenant, he ran the statistics Division, the Crime Scene Investigation Unit (CSI), and turned into a Watch Commander in four distinctive districts, retiring at the San Francisco Airport.  After retirement, Dave had a cup-of-espresso as a small-town Chief of Police, and then taught legislations Enforcement stories at a couple of Bay area schools.

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